Knowing Your One True Love

One thing that I’m so grateful recently in my life is that, I have found, my one true love. Well, I’m not really talking about a person. I’m talking about that certain thing I wanna do in my life, which makes me ascertain now that, I’d commit my whole life with.

I find it interesting as I reflect on this certain process in finding it, being translated and likened to the process a guy would be involved, in finding his lifetime partner. So here I am, musing on this wonderful design that has been unfolded in my eager mind.

Let’s get started.

THE EXPLOITATION STAGE

When you’re just fresh out of college, you’re so full of ambitions, and you just got this in you that you’ve got what it takes to succeed. The highest ideal that society would tell you is to become wealthy with what you do. Although you have this certain hint of what you really want to do, you’d exchange it with the hype of the moment. Everyone’s looking for that job that could give them the cash they need to buy their materialistic fantasies. Of course, the greatest necessity at this stage is money! Just imagining your fantasies with what money can do in your life gives you butterflies in the stomach. And you’d get your head stuffed with thoughts: ‘When I have the money I need, I buy this and that… I’d do this and that…’ It’s all about money and success.

And then you’d start searching for companies that would fit your standards. Of course you would hunt for those that can give you the highest pay possible. If you’re someone with high qualifications, stable and good-paying companies would come under the mercy of your preference. You’d get to enjoy the great opportunity of choosing. But if you’re someone in the average, you’d stick with whatever company that would accept your qualifications, as long as your need of money is satisfied. That would be fine.

When you’ve chosen the company to apply, you’d do everything to impress them. You’d sing songs of commitment you don’t intentionally want to keep. You’d over emphasize your strengths and try hard to hide your weaknesses. Just, the main aim is for them to accept you.

When they finally accept you, at first, you’d give them your best shot. You try hard not mess with them. You’d keep your commitment and do all that they need of you. You even try to perform well.

But then, as time goes by… you’d get edgy with how they handle you. At this stage, you grumble a lot. You watch every mistake they make. You cannot take it when you feel like they have profited more over your efforts than what you are getting from them. You count every effort you make against what they have given you in return. But then, you still stay a little while… since they’re still feeding you with what you need. For you, cheating is unforgivable. Once you find out they cheat on you, you’d call it quits when you can’t take it any longer. But you don’t mind if you cheat them. When you’re the one doing something to their detriment, it would not be a big deal. You may even think you are entitled to it. You are unmindful of doing things that may cause their damage. You don’t really care that much. All you care about is getting as much as they can give… Then you’d start imagining for other companies than can give you your perceived comfort and that may give you what your current company is not giving you. Since you are no longer satisfied, when another opportunity beckons at you… you’d not hesitate to end your contract with that company and leave. You’d do the same cycle again and again. And though there may be companies that you’d truly like, even if you’d stay longer with it, you’d still reach the same stage of resignation. There is just something that you are looking for and you haven’t found it yet… and then, you’re on your search again.

Translation:

When a guy is young and is on the hype of experiencing his manhood. His main need (forgive me for being frank and blunt on this) is sex. Although he has this certain hint in his mind about this ideal girl whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with, it gets in the back burner of his mind as he focuses on the hype of his raging hormones. He collects girls who can give him, his need of sex. If he is physically desirable, he may charm all the girls he likes. He has the advantage of choosing from pretty and classy girls. He’d court any prospect who could give him the experience he so fantasizes… if he isn’t so gifted physically and isn’t so well with his charms, any girl would do, as long they can give him what he needs. Just, what matters most is sex. His mind may most of the time be filled with fantasies of sex.

If he has chosen this certain girl, he’d do everything to impress her. He’d show her his best. And he’d try so hard not to let her see his weaknesses. He’d say all the things he doesn’t necessarily mean, just to get her trust and to make her say yes. He’d give her, his best shot. He would even try to make her feel he is so committed in a relationship. He’d say anything and everything to get what he wants.

During the first stages of their relationship, it would all seem so fine. He’d do all the things that are expected of him as a boyfriend: calls, gifts, visits, attention, surprises, etc.

But then, as time goes by, he would lag on the things he used to do. He’d call less, He visits less, his attention is somewhere else, etc. Problems would arise, and the girlfriend would demand things on their relationship. At this stage, it becomes a burden to him to even do a single act in the name of being a boyfriend. But he has to, because, he needs to get some sex. But he’d become so edgy, he’d notice all the girl’s faults. At this point, his mind would wander on fantasizing on other girls who can give him more than what his girlfriend is giving him or on girls who have what his girlfriend doesn’t have. A small thing leads to a big fight. He would start to grumble a lot. He demands all the things the girl is expected to give him, but he would get away with all his mess if he can. He cannot tolerate the thought that he is doing more in the relationship. As much as possible, he wants to spend lesser effort. But he doesn’t mind doing things that may disappoint or hurt the girl. Cheating is unforgivable to him, but its fine if he cheats.He may even think he is entitled to it. When he thinks that the relationship is already too much for him to bear and a new girl may come and give him a better offer, he will not hesitate to leave his girlfriend. This cycle repeats many times. Still, he is not satisfied.

There maybe girls that he would actually like and he may stay longer with them. But then, he would still reach this stage of breaking up. He’s just looking for something that he hasn’t found in those girls yet. And he’s on his hunt again.

WARNING: Girls, if you are with someone who is still immature, who doesn’t have a clear vision of what’s his life gonna turn out, and most especially… if that person doesn’t even have a clue of himself… consider yourself in a greatest potential of being used just to fill his needs. He may or may have not realized it, but you would end up just the same… being used. Best advice: stay out of this relationship.

THE STAGE OF BOREDOM

This is the stage when you have too much of your experiences of all the jobs and employers you’ve left. You have gotten tired of the cycle and you want to break away from it. You’re in the stage when you’re through with the excitement of what money can buy you. You’ve bought most of the things you’ve dreamed of… or maybe you’ve reached the point of realizing that some of the things you used to think of buying are no longer that important to buy. Then, you start searching for something deeper. This is point when you want some change. You want something totally new. And you’d look back all those times you’ve wasted with those jobs you never intended to keep, or the jobs you just lost along the way… then suddenly, it hits you… am I really just gonna waste my life over this pitiful cycle? Damn no! And then, you’d ask the hardest question: WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?

Translation:

This is the stage when the guy just had too much of all his fun and experiences with girls. This is the stage when he has gotten tired of the same old cycle of hunting and breaking up with girls. He had the fill of his sexual fantasies. And then he’d start seeking for something more valuable. This is the point when he wants to change… when he would want someone totally new… different from the girls he had left or had lost along the way.Then he’d ask the hardest question: WHO DO I REALLY WANT?

THE STAGE OF KNOWING

I’d take it from here, since I will be speaking of my personal experience in this stage of knowing.

Long before I had graduated, I had that concept of the kind of commitment I’d like to offer my skills and talents for. But then, I was caught in the common hype of thinking first of money, so that you can finally be free of doing what you really want. Even if I wasn’t the type who would pursue money for its sake, I was engrossed in amassing wealth to support my dreams. One thing leads to another. So I’ve patterned my life in asking the question: What would gain me more money?

What I was actually doing was: I abandoned my dreams a little while, as I went ahead pursuing money. ‘Wait there, I’d come back for you when I’m ready to pursue and claim you.’ I said. But then, I was caught in the same cycle of striving hard and giving up. Because I did not love the jobs I had, I had little patience for all the things thrown at me because of them. They had been a great burden to me. And all I focused on was: what I was getting. Yes, I could be committed for a while. But then, not long enough boredom catches on me, and my strength wears out on pursuing and on being dedicated to those jobs.

It occurred to me that the kind of relationship I had with my earlier jobs was: consented utilitarianism. I was using them, they were using me. I thought I was getting much from them. But wrong, they were the ones getting most out of me. They have stolen my time and dedication that are supposedly for what I love to do alone. They worn out my strength and detracted me from my focus and attention on my beloved soul-deep dreams. They almost dried me up. And because they had gotten so much of me, it brought me great confusion. I used to know what I really want to do with my life, but because, those jobs gotten pieces of me, I could hardly define myself anymore. And because I am confused of who I am becoming, it made me confused of what I really want. Even if I tried to change my focus from money, to noble things and better things… still, I landed on the land of confusion and dissatisfaction.

Then I pondered on the truth: YOU WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE. If one doesn’t know who he/she is, he/she may base his/her wanting on the plane of feelings or emotions, rather on his/her desired conscious carefully and willfully thought choices. And worst, he/she may borrow what others want, and own it like his/her own. This is true, because it happened to me, and I’m sure to lot others. At first, I may think I was fine. I could feel that I’m happy with what I was getting from them, but that happiness doesn’t seem to last. It fades soon enough. And I find myself wanting some more: ‘Maybe I just needed, more than this, better than this!’… I THOUGHT. I was lost into groping and reaching outside of myself, by clinging on those temporary things. But I realized that I was just like: CHASING THE WIND. I felt so empty.

But when I found God, or should I say, when God found me… He taught me great things! He taught me so much about myself. Since He is my maker, He knows what I am made of, and He knows what I am made for. Funny, I remember how I used to rummage self-help books in trying to know myself more. But the sad reality was, they were written by my fellow creatures, who only have limited thoughts on knowing what I’m made of, or worst, they may even have a hard time in really knowing who they are. Can you picture a clay-pot asking a fellow clay-pot what it is and what purpose it serves? The potter knows best – it’s like this.

When I started communicating with my Maker, He told me truth in so many things. And most especially, He taught me that, the answers to my questions are not really found outside… but just inside of me. For the more I chased on external things to find meaning, the more I veered away from my true self… so as I start on knowing who I really I am… I started on exploring the depths of my soul. I’m coming back to my self. But this is not possible without the Light of my Maker. Without His truth on what I am finding, it would come out nothing. As I’ve come to Him and commune with Him, little by little, I am enlightened of my uniqueness, and of that special purpose that He made me for, as the potter knows the special purposes his clays serve.

As my Almighty Creator showed me my design, He reminded me of my earlier dreams, and He led me to realize my soul-deep dream and spirit-filled ambition. And the greatest hint to this, is that of a life of self-giving. The point of the matter is: it’s not about what I’m getting, but what I can give best. Having revealed His self to me as being the very essence of Love Himself, I understood His message in my being. And that, He created me for the very purpose His very essence would create: TO BE AN INSTRUMENT OF LOVE – AN EXPRESSION OF HIS LOVE TO OTHERS. And as I look around His creation, this message is evident. The exuberant fishes ‘give’ themselves up for food, so that other living creatures could eat and be nourished. The little flowers constantly offer themselves to ‘give’ off scent, and inspiration to other living creatures, and a source of sweet nectar for bees. The mighty trees stand on ground firmly to ‘give’ us oxygen to breathe. And a lot of things in His creation consistently testify this evidence of ‘giving’ that’s left for us to discover. In each creature’s purpose is a testimony of something they could give to life’s existence. This constant message of ‘giving’, ‘charity’… traces and hints of Love flowing in creation, is the very message that we have shut our eyes from, and have taken for granted, as we are consumed with our hunt for gain.

But as the fishes, flowers, and trees, and other creatures are created for a noble purpose of giving… so are we. Each person is created for a divine purpose. Each person has something to share or to give, for the well-being of humanity. And we are called to give in proportion to what God has created us for.

Having discovered my uniqueness, I have realized my calling and great purpose in serving humanity. Upon realizing this, I have discovered, my one true love.

Oh, and knowing my one true love? It thrills me to the bone in looking forward to the great adventures that lie ahead as I start pursuing it. This is the cause that I would not mind giving so much of myself, even if I am not compensated, even if I don’t get anything the least… For it, I don’t mind going beyond normal working hours. I don’t mind giving too much of my effort. I don’t mind if it demands so much of me. I’d even try to surpass what I could give. For it, I’d only be concern if I had given enough… because I love it so much, I don’t mind the great deal of self-sacrifice I would have to make, just for it to be fulfilled. This is the great cry of my heart for my one true love. And there is nothing that can discourage me in pursuing it, because I have already realized its nature, and I have already decided to commit myself to it. In doing it, I’m being myself. And in just being myself, God blesses others.

Translation

(Going back with my analogy with guys hunting for their beloved mates)

As I reached this stage of analysis, and as I look back to those companies I have intentionally, or unintentionally used along the process of knowing what I really want, I have come to picture the same scenario with a guy who has intentionally or unintentionally used girls along the process of knowing who he really wants.

When a guy is in the stage of not knowing who he really is, he would have a vague picture of the woman whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with… for how can he know who he really wants if he doesn’t even know who he really is? In the same analogy, how can you know your missing piece, if you don’t even know what kind of piece are you?

And many guys are like this nowadays. They jump from one girl to another. And those who are really passionate can make you believe that they are so in love with you, only to find out that they have said the very words they told you to a lot of other women. And the sad thing is these guys don’t even mind, or are unaware of the great pain they’ve caused to other women. Their barometer is their feelings and their satisfaction. They focus on what their mates can give them, and not much on what they can give their mates.

But once a guy finds his one-true-love, he would offer his whole self just to have her. He wouldn’t mind sacrificing so much of himself for her. He wouldn’t mind giving so much, even if that girl isn’t giving as much. It would even be his pleasure if the girl depends on him.He’d sacrifice a great deal. And it would not be an issue, for he would want to satisfy the woman of his dreams. She is his one true love. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her.He would even offer his own life. It’s like Adam finally finding his Eve. This is the cry of his heart for his one true love.

I remember this beautiful passage in the bible that illustrates points that I would like to make further:

“He formed a woman out of his rib and brought her to him. Then the man said,
“At last, here is one of my own kind – bone of my bone, and flesh from my flesh.”

– (Genesis 2:22-23 with emphasis my own)

Adam recognizes Eve, as his own kind – the bone of his bone, and the flesh of his flesh, because he knows what he is made of, with his knowledge of the One who made him. The Creator has fully revealed Adam’s purpose in His creation. That’s why Adam has a great knowledge of himself. I’d like to stress that the knowledge given to Adam in his relation to God’s creation is made possible because of his relationship towards God. No other living creature in the Garden of Eden had this opportunity of self-knowledge as the first man… because no other living creature was given that great grace of being so close to God as being made in the image and likeness of the Creator Himself. Good thing that at that point of our history, identity crisis did not exist yet! Adam may have had worried God in thinking that a she-monkey is his own kind! What a disaster it would have been! Hahaha! 

In the same context, a man who doesn’t have that much relationship with his Maker would fail to realize the full extent of the purpose of his life as God intended it to be. And in failing to realize it, would affect him failing to realize or identify the kind of companion fitted to him as ‘his own kind’.

And sad to note that, many Adams nowadays lost contact with his Maker. That’s why a lot of them are thrust into insurmountable waves of confusion and of identity crisis. Many Adams failed to recognize their Eves and are joined to the wrong ones… and I would understand if they are living miserable lives… for it is not such a pleasant experience to be forced into something that does not fit you… like circles being fit into square holes.

CONCLUSION

Having found my One True Love leads me to realize, that finding our One True Love needs a great deal of knowing, our one true self. And in knowing our one true self calls a great need to know, our One True Maker.

Pope John Paul II on Sensuality, Responsibility, Chastity and True Love

“ Everyone…lives, above all, for love.”

“Man’s capacity for love depends on his willingness consciously to seek a good together with others, and to subordinate himself to that good for the sake of others, or to others for the sake of that good.”

“Love in human relationships is not something ready-made. It begins as a principle or idea which people must somehow live up to in their behavior.”

“The sexual relationship presents more opportunities than most other activities for treating a person — sometimes even without realizing it — as an object of use.”

“I am convinced that the (objective) starting point of love is the realization that I am needed by another. The person who objectively needs me most is also, for me, objectively, the person I most need. This is a fragment of life’s deep logic, and also a fragment of trusting in the Creator and in Providence.”

“People’s values are different and they come in different configurations. The great achievement is always to see values that others don’t see and to affirm them. The even greater achievement is to bring out of people the values that would perish without us. In the same way, we bring our values out in ourselves.”

“The strength of such a love emerges most clearly when the beloved person stumbles, when his or her weaknesses or even sins come into the open. One who truly loves does not then withdraw his love, but loves all the more, loves in full consciousness of the other’s shortcomings and faults, and without in the least approving of them.”

“The greater the feeling of responsibility for the person the more true love there is.”

“The love for a person which results from a valid act of choice is concentrated on the value of the person as such and makes us feel emotional love for the person as he or she really is, not for the person of our imagination, but for the real person.”

“From the desire for the ‘unlimited’ good of another ‘I’ springs the whole creative drive of true love — the drive to endow beloved persons with the good, to make them happy. To desire ‘unlimited’ good for another person is really to desire God for that person.”

“The great moral force of true love lies precisely in this desire for the happiness, for the true good, of another person. This is what makes it possible for a man to be reborn because of love, makes him aware of the riches within him, his spiritual fertility and creativity: I am capable of desiring the good for another person, therefore I am in general capable of desiring the good. True love compels me to believe in my own spiritual powers.”

“Love is never something ready made, something merely ‘given’ to man and woman, it is always at the same time a ‘task’ which they are set. Love should be seen as something which in a sense never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’, and what it becomes depends upon the contribution of both persons and the depth of their commitment.”

“What develops from ‘promising’ raw material in the form of emotions and desires is often not true love, and often indeed sharply opposed to it, whereas a truly great love sometimes develops from modest material. But such a great love can only be the work of persons and — let us add here to complete the picture — the work of Divine Grace.”

“There is no need to be dismayed if love sometimes follows tortuous ways. Grace has the power to make straight the paths of human love.”

“The longing for true happiness for another person, a sincere devotion to that person’s good, puts the priceless imprint of altruism on love. But none of this will happen if the love between a man and a woman is dominated by an ambition to possess, or more specifically by concupiscence born of sensual reactions.”

“It is impossible to judge the value of a relationship between persons merely from the intensity of their emotions. The very exuberance of the emotions born of sensuality may conceal an absence of true love, or indeed outright egoism.”

“Carnal concupiscence impels, very powerfully impels, people towards physical intimacy, towards sexual intercourse, but if this grows out of nothing more than concupiscence it does not unite a man and a woman as persons.”

“There is [when carnal concupiscence is left to itself] a serious possibility not only that love will be deformed, but also that its natural raw material will be squandered, for sensuality furnishes love with ‘material’, but material which can only be shaped by the appropriate creative activity on the part of the will. Without this there can be no love, there is only the raw material which is used up by carnal concupiscence as it seeks an ‘outlet’.”

“Love is a constant challenge, thrown to us by God.— The character Christopher, in “The Jeweler’s Shop”

“Complete security against carnal concupiscence is something we find only in the profound realism of virtue, and specifically the virtue of chastity.”

“The fundamental ethical characteristic of love: it is an affirmation of the person or else it is not love at all… Neither in the man nor in the woman can affirmation of the value of the person be divorced from awareness and willing acceptance that he may become a father and she may become a mother.”

“Love between persons…must possess a clear-cut objective purpose… Man’s capacity for love depends on his willingness consciously to seek a good together with others… From the desire for the ‘unlimited’ good of another ‘I’ springs the whole creative drive of true love.”

“Sin is a violation of the true good. For the true good in the love of man and woman is first of all the person and not emotion for its own sake, still less pleasure as such. These are secondary goods, and love — which is a durable union of persons — cannot be built of them alone.”

“Any attempt to diminish human beings by…denying the central social importance of maternity and paternity is incompatible with the natural development of man.”

“Man must reconcile himself to his natural greatness….he must not forget that he is a person”

“Only the chaste man and the chaste woman are capable of true love. For chastity frees their association, including their marital intercourse, from that tendency to use a person.”

“Every human being is by nature burdened with concupiscence and apt to find the ‘savor’ of love above all in the satisfaction of carnal desire. For this reason, chastity is a difficult, long-term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit, for the happiness of loving kindness which it must bring. But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness.”

“True love is a love in which sexual values are subordinated to the value of the person.”

“People like to think that Wujek [Fr. Wojtyla] would like to see everyone married. But I think this is a false picture. The most important problem is really something else. Everyone…lives, above all, for love. The ability to love authentically, not great intellectual capacity, constitutes the deepest part of a personality. It is no accident that the greatest commandment is to love. Authentic love leads us outside ourselves to affirming others: devoting oneself to the cause of man, to people, and, above all, to God. Marriage makes sense…if it gives one the opportunity for such love, if it evokes the ability and necessity of such loving, if it draws one out of the shell of individualism (various kinds) and egocentrism. It is not enough simply to want to accept such love. One must know how to give it, and it’s often not ready to be received. Many times it’s necessary to help it to be formed….” – (in his letter to a woman named Teresa)

“A love which is not “fairest,” but reduced only to the satisfaction of concupiscence or to a man’s and a woman’s mutual “use” of each other, makes persons slaves to their weaknesses.” — (in his 1994 Letter to Families)

“The view, so very often expressed or implied, that ‘the emotion (love) itself gives men and women the right to physical intimacy and to sexual intercourse’ — This is a mistaken view, for love as an emotional experience even if it is reciprocated, is very far from being the same as love completed by commitment of the will.”

“For love denies freedom of will to him who loves — love liberates him from the freedom
that would be terrible to have for its own sake. So when I become a father, I am conquered by love. And when you become a child, you too are conquered by love. At the same time I am liberated from freedom through love, and so are you; at last I am liberated from loneliness, which I do not want to exchange for love… “ – (a line of a character in one of his written theatre plays)

“Genuine human love, love ‘for’ a person, and love ‘between’ persons, must combine two elements: tenderness and certain firmness.”

“Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.”

“The inner and essential raison d’etre of marriage is not simply eventual transformation into a family but above all the creation of a lasting personal union between a man and a woman based on love.”

“A man and a woman whose love has not begun to mature, has not established itself as a genuine union of persons, should not marry, for they are not ready to undergo the test to which married life will subject them. If their love is already more or less ripe procreation will ripen it still further.”

“A ‘marital’ sexual relationship outside the framework of marriage is always objectively a wrong done to the woman. Always — even when the woman consents to it, and indeed even when she herself actively desires and seeks it.”

“This total and exclusive gift of self to God is the result of a spiritual process which occurs within a person under the influence of Grace. This is the essence of mystical virginity — conjugal love pledged to God Himself. “

“Marriage, and still more spiritual virginity combined with betrothed love, must in the general belief be the result of ‘first love’, that is to say of one’s first choice.”

“Spiritual virginity, in the perspective of eternal life, is another attempt to solve the problem. The movement towards a final union through love with a personal God is here more explicit than in marriage, and in a sense spiritual virginity anticipates that final union in conditions of the physical and temporal life of the human person. In this lies the great value of virginity.”

“The Problem of Vocation The word ‘vocation’ indicates that there is a proper course for every person’s development to follow, a specific way in which he commits his whole life to the service of certain values. Every individual must plot this course correctly by understanding on the one hand what he has in him and what he can offer to others, and on the other hand what is expected of him.”

“A person who has a vocation must not only love someone but be prepared to give himself or herself for love. We have said already in our analysis of love that this self-giving may have a very creative effect on the person: the person fulfills itself most effectively when it gives itself most fully.”

“There is…a real need for sexual education… The main objective of this education is to create the conviction that ‘the other person is more important than I’”

The Foolish and the Wise Princesses in the Kingdom of Love

A royal parade. Princess Shanaiah and her cohort paraded the marvelous aisle toward the palace. Their path was illumined by the brightest light in the midst of the vast darkness. On one corner, off the path, a man called out to the princess. She could barely see the man because he was in the dark, but with her well trained eyes of the principles of Love being taught in their Kingdom, she was able to see through the dark figure before her, and perceived what beauty lies underneath.

The man was a real charmer, and had a well trained tongue that flattered the princess to make her stay at halt, long enough to have a conversation with him. And the more they shared things about themselves, the more Princess Shanaiah found the man endearing, and the more the man found the princess interesting. In his mind he thought: ‘She’s one of a kind.’ The man beckoned Princess Shanaiah to come to where he was to be with him, so that they could be closer and be more intimate. The princess told the man to come to where she was at instead, and come with her to meet her Father King. And she described how beautiful the Kingdom of Love is. But the man resisted. He said he had heard a lot about the King. Sure he knew the King and respected Him a lot. But he is not interested to meet Him face to face and travail along the path leading to the kingdom. This made Princess Shanaiah really sad. She wanted to be with the man really bad.

Seeing that Princess Shanaiah wouldn’t budge to come to where he was, the man turned his back hurting, thinking that Princess Shanaiah had rejected him, and started his way away from the path to the depths of the darkness. Princess Shanaiah looked at the man walked away, sadly. And the more she looked at the man walking away, the more she worried after him… She knew for sure that the life of the man is in danger in the dark… and that many beasts are out there to get him… all those thoughts, plus the aching pain in her heart of being parted from the man made her want to run after him… she ran near the side traces of the path, near the boundaries of darkness and light, and called out to the man… but he never turned his face toward her…. she was about to step out from the path to chase after the man, but one of her cohorts warned her that, when she goes out the path, she might never find her way back and might get lost herself…  she said she doesn’t mind and ran after the man… She did find the man and embraced him… but just when she thought she had her happy ending… she just brought herself to the very spot where the enemy had prepared his rotten trap to capture her. The enemy made her a slave just like the man…

Meanwhile, the cohorts continued their way to the palace…and when they finally reached the palace, they told the King of what happened. This made the King very sad. He wept for His lost daughter… but according to the decrees He has set forth in His kingdom, He has to exercise justice to what His daughter did… since she became a slave of the enemy… Princess Sahanaiah is tagged accursed in their Kingdom… and no favors or blessings will be granted to her, until she would ask for His Father’s forgiveness and mercy,  and find her way back home and make amends to her deliberate foolishness.

Such is the sad plight of Princess Shanaiah… who is now a captive of the darkness….

Another royal parade. Another princess – Princess Adonaiah, with another set of cohort paraded the marvelous aisle toward the palace. Their path was illumined by the brightest light in the midst of the vast darkness. Another guy off the track. Same scenario.

But this time, this princess did not run after the guy. She stayed with her cohort, listening to their advices… ‘Remember what happened to your sister, Princess Shanaiah…’ they said. She traced what seemed to be shadows left of the only man who won her heart, as far as her sight could go. Tears fell down her cheeks.

‘Goodbye my beloved. I wanted to come to where you are and convince you to come with me to the Kingdom… but in your state of darkness, I know that I don’t have what it takes to open your heart and mind to the truth about my Father and the Kingdom… But I know someone who can… Only my Father can do that for you… So I will go to Him and tell Him about you, that He might ransom and save you from the bonds of darkness… This parting caused so much pain in my heart that I could not describe… but I will bear this and move on with this intention… Goodbye my love, goodbye… I will always remember you in my heart…’

She gathered her courage and strength left, to move on. And she looked forward ahead to where they were heading.

On the other hand, the man thought to himself…

‘Such a waste. I know I would never find someone like you Princess Adonaiah… but it seems like I could never have you with your ideals in this pathway you are travelling… I let you go on then, but know that you will always be in my heart…’

The way to the palace seemed to take too long to reach. She kept on looking back to where they had left. She hoped and wished, she could still catch a glimpse of the man, but not a trace of him is anywhere to be found. Loneliness entered her heart. She had begun to fill her mind with what-ifs… What if I had run after him? What if I had joined him in the dark, suffer the blows of the enemy, and wait a chance until I can bring him to travail this path? What if I didn’t just let him go after all?

The darkness surrounding the enlightened path, sensed the vibrations of her doubts, and began to whisper things to confuse her more and to put self-pity, and fear into her heart.

‘Oh poor princess… you’ll never have your prince now… how foolish of you to let go of the only man who could love you like that? In this vastness… you’ll never find someone like him evah! Hahahaha’

‘What’s the matter now? Why aren’t you happy? I thought you are to see your Father King? Don’t be a hypocrite… you’ll never be happy without that man!’

‘Oh he’s gone? It’s all you r fault! If you could’ve just compromised for the man dear to your heart… you could’ve been living with him happily now!’

‘Ha! You call yourself a princess of Love??? Look at you! You are ugly! No one will get interested in you anymore… and you just let go of the guy who only did!’

‘But oh, after all he realized that you are not much of worth that’s why he left you! Hahaha!’

‘You will be lonely… and you’ll die lonely… that’s the price of the choice you’ve made! What’s with all the standards of walking down this path? It’s no use in the darkness that surrounds you! Be wise and alter your standards to fit to what really surrounds you, that’s how you’re going to survive and thrive in it!’

Princess Adonaiah could no longer take it. She broke down and cried. She was down and beaten with all the pity and low esteem of herself. She stayed slump on the ground in her weakness, until one of her cohorts approached her…

‘Princess… why do you take to heart the whispers of the dark? Why do you listen to the lies from the other side? Remember who you are and what you are in the eyes of the Almighty King, your Father… and remember who your Father is! Remember how much He loves you. For He knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. So arise princess, and take courage! Look up to that light ahead, it is shining for you.’

Princess Adonaiah regained her strength and was on her feet again… slowly, and ever so slowly… she took one step after another… onwards to her destination…full of hope… looking forward to meeting her Father.

Finally, Princess Adonaiah and her cohorts reached the palace. The King personally welcomed them. The princess threw her arms around her Dad and sobbed so hard. ‘I’m glad you’re home safe my daughter’ said the King.

When Princess Adonaiah rested in her room, her cohort told the King what happened. And the King was moved to tears of Princess Adonaiahh’s  faithfulness and obedience.

The following day, the King had called for the princess.

‘I want to reward your faithfulness and obedience to my decrees my beloved daughter. Tell me what do you want me to give you?’

Princess Adonaiahh said in reply,

‘Oh Dad, I want nothing for myself… being with you here in our Kingdom of Love is more than enough for me… but I do ask you of one thing… I have met a man on my way here… but he is in the darkness… may you Father, in the richness of your mercy bless that man with your light and truth, that he may understand the wonders of our existence… may he learn to repulse the darkness and choose the light and travail the path to our kingdom… and that may he be granted the joy of knowing this wonderful truth about You as a loving and merciful Almighty King… ‘

The King was pleased with Princess Adonaiah’ request and dismissed her to do her duties in the Kingdom of Love.

Days passed. Princess Adonaiahh served the Kingdom tirelessly and enthusiastically. Her duty is to prepare food, together with her other sisters for the poor and hungry in their kingdom. And she rejoiced so much in what she was doing. But somewhere in the recesses of her heart, she still thinks of the only man she has learned to love.

Some of her sisters were already happily married to their beloved princes, while others were elevated to a position of total dedication in higher transcendence of Love in the Kingdom… while she was just there, trying to busy herself with her duties and responsibilities in the Kingdom of Love…

One day, the King had called for her.

On her way to the throne room, she saw from afar a prince standing on His back facing the throne of the King. His stance was elegant and somewhat familiar. When the prince turned to greet her, she let out a gasp. It was the man whom she met on her way to the palace.

‘Princess Adonaiah, I have long been waiting for this moment. I have come to ask for your hand from the King (He bowed slightly and kissed Princess Adonaiah’s hand).’

Princess Adonaiahh was bewildered and didn’t know what to say…

‘How… how did you find your way here?’

‘Your Father had me searched by His servants… they found me and brought me to Him… I saw Him face to face… and I saw for myself His glory… it was like a resplendent light hit my eyes that made me see my own pitiful state as a slave of darkness… He offered me freedom, and to be part of His Kingdom… He offered me to become a prince of one of His estates and I had gladly conceded coz I want to serve Him with all of my life, for I know that this is righteousness. Then I remember you my beloved. And I had bowed to myself to ask for your hand in marriage, when I’m ready. I want you to know that you are very precious to me… even for that brief moment we shared in your journey… you have left a mark in my heart that I know would stay forever.’

Prince Adonaiah burst into tears… then she approached the King in His throne, hugged and kissed Him.

‘Dad, thank you so much…’

The King hugged her tight…

‘You are welcome my beloved daughter… This is your reward for being faithful to me and, my blessing for your admirable and commendable obedience. You have shown indeed a good example for your other sisters to follow. And this is how I bless those who obey me.’

Princess Adonaiah remembered her sister, Princess Shanaiah…

‘Father, what about my sister Shanaiah?’

‘I am waiting for her to come home to me my daughter… I am waiting to welcome her back to our Kingdom, when she comes to her senses… I have deployed my servants to search for her… you should never lose hope for you sister…’

‘I have always hoped that she’d be back someday Dad.’

The King let out a big sigh, in remembering His lost daughter…

‘As for you Princess Adonaiah and Prince Judeah, you have my blessing. May your lives be filled with happiness, favors and graces all the days of your lives. May you live in the fullness and faithfulness in Love in your sacred partnership, and raise children for the cause of love in hopes of serving our kingdom in the appointed time…

The two have graciously found each other in each other’s arms. This oneness, they once thought not possible is now unfolding before their very eyes…

TO BE CONTINUED…

I wrote this story as an allegory of Christian women falling for unbelievers. I have chosen a limited circumstance just to drive home my specific points regarding this matter. It does not mean however that such turn of events are the only thing possible in real life. Our Almighty Dad is the grand creator of all stories there are… He writes each story unique and full of life. I’m just however going to point out major perspectives.

Princess Shanaiah and Adonaiah represent the royal princesses in the Kingdom of our faith falling for men who don’t even know about Christ – unbelievers.

The major difference between Princess Shanaiah and Adonaiah is that, Princess Shanaiah put matters in her hands and left the path – which represents the decrees and the laws of God, while Princess Adonaiah focused on the light, respected and honored the Almighty King – who represents God, by putting the matter before Him, knowing and trusting that only Him can do something about it with His sovereign power and might. Princess Adonaiah never faltered in her faith to the King, while Princess Shaniah altered hers, from faith to the King, to faith to herself.

Very often many Christians women make this mistake of taking matters in their own hands. As if God doesn’t know what to do about our situation. We always have that temptation of thinking, that we can do something to save the man who reigns our heart – that we are the ones who can do something about their pitiful situation. We think their faith in God depends on what we can do for them. We want to save them from the darkness of sin they are basking in. And because of our growing attachment to them, our will weakens to compromising to something they don’t understand… we tend to believe them when they say that the worldly way they are so oriented to, is the only way they think can merit their redemption… our compassion get twisted to accepting their trash-like worldly philosophies, and we attempt to save them in their own definition of light… Then we turn our face away from Christ, and run after them… engaging in their own darkness… This is seen in situations like, when these unbeliever men would pressure you to engage sex before marriage… and in using the fear of you losing him, if you would not consent to what he thinks…  or if the guy would tell you… ‘It is impossible to be faithful in this point of time when temptation is everywhere! You should forgive me if I sin sometime…. This doesn’t mean I don’t love you…’ and oh, the poor princess who think that is real love at all would accept and feed on this trash… lowering her dignity worst than a dog waiting for whatever leftovers its master throw to its plate…

NO ONE CAN CHANGE ANY GUY’S HEART. ONLY BY GOD’S GRACE IS THAT POSSIBLE. We, as precious princesses of the Almighty King are called for only one thing: TO DO WHAT HE WILLS… that means to abide in the only way, the only truth, and the only life…. It means that we are to stand firm on His decrees… We are the light of the darkness of this world… so we should never put that light out… we should never compromise to the world… Love does not approve of evil but rejoices in truth and righteousness…

Only by OBEDIENCE does God’s blessing flow in our lives… If we obey, He would grant whatever we pray for… In Princess Adonaiah’s example, she cancelled out her lower willing of her attachment for the man who captured her heart, and suffered to take heed to the Holy will of God. And she was right in believing that only the Almighty King can save her guy’s situation and that she can’t do anything for the guy’s sake in her own efforts and in conforming to the guy’s ways… for apart from God one can do nothing… it doesn’t mean though that she stopped loving the person… she has just cut off her attachment to the guy but she has kept him in her heart and spoke of him to the King… How blessed she was as she had well pleased the King… Of course the King loves His precious daughter so much… and had only good things in store for Her… So she doesn’t necessarily have to suffer consequences out of her self-willfulness like her sister…though she was not free from the interior suffering of her heart, but it was a sacrificial suffering not a suffering of punishment…  The ending may not always be like that… the King could have found another prince for her… but the point is… She lived and served the Kingdom more fully when she followed and obeyed the King… and as she was able to pleased her Father King so much, she received insurmountable graces and blessings that flooded her heart with joy, and made her won the soul of the man so dear to her…

This is what we are called for at the moment… to serve the King of Love and entrust to Him all our lives… knowing that our destiny is in His hands… We may not know our destiny… but we know the One who holds are destiny…  and we know how precious we are to Him and how much He loves us…

Him: I Love You, but I’m Just Not Ready Yet.

I had a long talk with my sister regarding her ex-boyfriend who left her hanging on promises to marry her… ‘WHEN HE’S READY.’ Well, the guy seems to sweet talk her into believing that he ‘loves’ her and their eight-month old baby, just that he’s not yet ready, saying he has more plans with his life… and ‘them’ included.

Wow! What a banger! But it’s not pretty much unusual in this generation nowadays. It’s actually common. Why else would single mom or dad be added in our vocabulary? So here we are swarming with single parents raring products of untimely and thoughtless love affairs… ‘Oh but we were so in love!!!’ Yeah right, if they were REALLY that in love, they could’ve had bound theirselves in a ’til-death-do-us-part-commitment (lasting marriage).

The truth that these persons don’t want to admit is that… they were in their now-ended-relationship not because they had decided to spend their lifetime with the person they were with, but for the most part of it… they were in the relationship for momentary pleasure, for companionship, for comfort, and all the other reasons, except LOVE… by this I mean, LOVE, not the love that the world has defined as something that is dominated by passionate feelings and raging emotions… I’m talking about LOVE, pure Love, a willful sacrificial Love… a lasting LOVE…

And so, my sister is left hugging onto her hopes that this confused guy would mend his ways and would have his heart changed in the long run… Don’t get me wrong… I’m all for heroic pursuit of loving persons.. but what the book of wisdom would tell us is that there is a time for everything… and just, I thought to myself, that this time… is not the right time for that… and not the appropriate act of…

I started asking her questions like, why did the guy courted you in the first place? And she said that the guy admitted he had thought of her as, JUST HIS SEXUAL PARTNER at first, then had his intentions developed deeper into “love” as time went by.

I was aghast! How could’ve my sister accepted that trash in the first place?

But anyway, she’s already hooked into it. Then I asked her.. do you really believe it when he says he loves you?

‘I don’t know… I’m not sure…’ was her reply.

This is not the first time I’ve encountered this kind of situation. It’s like a replay of my younger brother’s tale of love.

My brother impregnated another poor girl who believed in my brother’s charms and good looks… and believed too well on my brother’s words that he loves her. Even to us, my brother used to claim that he loves that girl… that was what he knew… at least, for him… that was love… but then, the most striking question came to his mind… ‘Are you sure she’s the girl you would want to be with for the rest of your life?’ And he actually answered me, ‘No. I couldn’t imagine her as my wife, I didn’t even think about this situation (the girl being pregnant that time).’ But when asked, he used to strongly ‘believe’ and ‘feel’ that he loves that girl.

Then the poor girl’s family confronted my brother… and my brother told them he had other plans… he wanted to finish college first (that was back when he was still in college)… but that plan never came to be, because my brother impregnated another girl… but this time… my brother took a stand.. When previously he was faced with a lot of uncertainties… this time, he stood surely for the girl… he bowed to marry her.. And he didn’t even care what… not even the thought of him not finishing college scared him… he told us bravely… ‘I want to marry her, no matter what.’…

I was amazed of my brothers impetuous decision… when I had the chance to ask him about it… he told me.. ‘I knew myself… and I figured that I’ll never change… I would not end my quest of finding another woman again and again… when I found her; I thought that she’s the one who can stop me from my wild pursuit. I JUST DECIDED.’

My sister’s situation is much like a carbon copy to that poor girl my brother had impregnated and left…

I told her, her ex’s pronouncements are pretty much similar to my brother’s pronouncements before… he loves that girl.. but the sad thing was, he couldn’t prove it… he himself didn’t understand that in himself… ‘He thought’ he was in love.. but his actions says otherwise… his own comfort and security mattered more than the girl and their baby… and he had this fear in his mind that he could not support his then would-be family… all of those characterizes the actions and behavior of my poor sister’s ex…

In fact, when asked by his peers if he already has a wife, seeing pictures of his baby in his social networking site, he would claim that he doesn’t have any, and that, HE HAS NO PLANS YET.

And there goes my sister plunged into a sea of confusion and uncertainty, of this guy’s pitiful state of immaturity and indecisiveness…

I had to tell my sister that she has to learn from my brother’s ex-girlfriend’s situation… she has witnessed herself what proved my brother’s words of love and what didn’t… from that alone she could have had the wisdom of moving on…

But my sister has her hopes… and I respect that.

The difference between my sister and my brother’s ex is that, she relies on God… and I’m sure that God is working in her life.. teaching her wisdom on loving… whether it means of her letting go, or to wait still for a big miracle of the guy changing in the end. When that time comes, I’m sure God would lead her.

As for the conclusion to the wonderment of this issue, I have come to a point of realization that what proves a guy’s pronouncements on love is his decision and actions… the greatest test to that is, if he can sacrifice his own comfort and security, if he doesn’t fear trying and facing the hardships in life, just to be with the girl he claims to love. Just like what my brother said: HE JUST DECIDED. A guy’s decision is the first step to that security.

If a guy hasn’t really decided yet… his poor woman would be left hanging by a moment, trapped in uncertainty forever floating until she would decide to stop her stupidity. True Love after all requires decision and action, and not much about words and feelings. Although, words and feelings support the decision made on loving, they could actually exist without necessarily having the decision to commit to the ‘so-called love’ proclaimed.

Gays, Perversion and some Questions

Death

Man: God, if you truly exist, why is there death?

God: My beloved, have you forgotten that death is the wage of your sins? But if you had accepted My Son as your Redeemer and Lord, and if you would stay rooted in Him, you shall have eternal life.

Curse

Man: God, if you truly exist, why do you let these injustices happen to humans? Why are some born with infirmities?

God: My beloved, have you forgotten that your kind has put your own nature accursed, the moment your first parents disobeyed my commands? Such mistake has affected your perfection ever since.

Man: But aren’t you God? You can do all things. Why can’t you just restore everything as you wish right now as you want it?

God: In my mercy, I wouldn’t want anyone to perish. In my mercy, I could bring all creation back in Eden… I could restore your perfection in a speck of time… but I could not go against my Justice. The restoration I have for you abides my Justice. And that restoration is through my Son, Jesus, to whom all has been justified, and through Him only. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous (Romans 5:19). In Jesus, your soul is redeemed… but your flesh will still perish for dust you are and to dust you will return (Genesis 3:19). Those born with infirmities are not less valuable than you are to me. Everyone is precious in my eyes. I judge not the physical but what’s within. Blessed are those who suffer now than later. They (those with infirmities) are for your greater exercise of great compassion and love.

Man: Why do I have to work so hard just to earn a living and sustain myself and my family? Why is work such a hard toil?

God: My Child, have you forgotten? When your first parents disobeyed me… I have decreed:

Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.

It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.

By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
(Genesis 3:17-19)

But if you do it through Christ, if you do it with love and for love… your yoke would be easy and it would become a delight for you. When you offer everything back to me, things would be like as they were, perfect. When you’re tired, my strength will sustain you through Christ. All you have to do is to pray and rely on Me.

Man: How about gays? It isn’t their fault that they’re gays since they’re born that way. But why do you condemn the acts they do that are natural to their homosexuality?

God: Because their fore parents exchanged the truth of me, their God, for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than Me, their Creator, I gave them to shameful lusts… even women exchanged natural relations to unnatural ones.  Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of me, their God, I gave them over to a depraved mind; to do what ought not to be done (Romans 1:25-28), for I am a jealous God punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me (Deuteronomy 5:9). They are born in that way, having in them the condemnation I have of the sinfulness of those before them. But if they in turn will love me, and have called My Son to redeem them, I will wash their spirits anew of all the sinful stains of their fore parents. I will restore them. The things they do out of their homosexuality aren’t natural, for homosexuality is a deviation of the nature of man as I’ve originally created him to be. Indulging sexual relations born out of homosexuality is but a perversion and hateful to my eyes.

Love Quotes

^“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.”  ♥1 Corinthians 13:1-8

“Pure Love is capable of great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the toilsome and drab life of each day. It knows that only one thing is needed to please God: to do even the smallest thing out of great love – love, and always love.” – ♥ St. Faustina

“Pure Love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure offering. The more it gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense dangers from afar as can Love; it knows how to unmask, also knows with whom it has to deal.” – ♥  St. Faustina

“There are only two choices in life: love or fear. Love moves us forward, fear stagnates us.’ – ♥ Tiffany Snow

“Love simply is… love and don’t ask too many questions. Just love.” – ♥ Paulo Coelo

“Where there is love there is life.” – ♥ Mahatma Gandhi

“Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” – ♥ St. Augustine

“Some love lasts a lifetime. True love lasts forever.” – ♥ Anonymous

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – ♥ Sam Keen

“To love another person is to see the face of God.” – ♥ Les Mesirables

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.” – ♥ Thoreau

“A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.” – ♥ Stendhal

“I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.” – ♥ Henry Ward Beecher

“Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.” – ♥ Karen Kasey

“Absence diminishes small loves, and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire. ” -♥ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“We like someone because. We love someone although.” – ♥ Henri De Montherlant

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.” – ♥ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“It is easy to love people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” – ♥ Mother Theresa

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” – ♥ Mark Twain

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”  – ♥ Mother Theresa

“Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For Love is the beauty of the soul.” – ♥ St. Augustine

“What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.” ♥ St. Augustine

“When we always choose love, we actively choose our God-given birthright to how our lives are supposed to be, and we feel this deeply in our soul. ” ♥ Tiffany Snow

“When you know Love, you know the heart of God.” ♥ Tiffany Snow

“This is Love – it knows no limits, it knows no boundaries, it knows no end, that’s why it’s called eternal” ♥ Ofelia Ancajas

“To love is to will the good of another” ♥ St. Thomas Aquinas

“Therefore, those who have the most to gain have the greatest desire to deceive. Those who have the least to gain and who want nothing like the Saints, can love perfectly.” ♥ Jacques Lacan

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly be broken… the only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of Love is hell.” ♥ C.S. Lewis

“So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” ♥ Genesis 29:20

“This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.” ♥ 1 John 3:11

“We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.” ♥ 1 John 3:14

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” ♥ 1 John 3:16

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” ♥ 1 John 3:18

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” ♥ 1 John 4:7

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” ♥ 1 John 4:8

“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and hislove is made complete in us.” ♥ 1 John 4:12

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” ♥ 1 John 4:18

“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” ♥ 2 John 1:6

“To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that Love is the reason for my existence, for God is love.
Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name.”  ♥ Thomas Merton

“Persons are not known by intellect alone, not by principles alone, but only by love. It is when we love the other, the enemy, that we obtain from God the key to an understanding of who he is, and who we are.” ♥ Thomas Merton

“Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody’s business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy if anything can.” ♥ Thomas Merton

How Do I Get Love and be Loved?

“In order to receive Love it must be given with no thought of its return. To love for fulfillment, satisfaction, or pride is no Love. Love is a gift on which no return is demanded. Now you know that to love unselfishly is its own reward. And even should Love not be returned, it is not lost, for Love not reciprocated will flow back to you and soften and purify your heart” – Og MAdino

Eve Rising

In a survey conducted by the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family, Korea ranked first from all over the world in the number of sexual crimes against kids. It has a rate of 8.6 kids raped in every 100,000 population! Great Britain got the second spot, followed by the United States. I wasn’t so shocked with the other two countries, but I got really shocked with Korea.

I asked a friend of mine, a Korean prosecutor in his mid-thirties, about this issue. And what he said struck me.

‘You know, Korea has been evolving economically. And along with this evolution, women gained more power in business, politics, education, and in almost all sectors of the society… women are becoming dominant.. It’s not that I have something against it. I consider my wife more powerful than me because she’s a judge and she’s two years older… that’s fine with me. I have no problems with it. But maybe, this kind of trend may have affected the ego of some Korean men as we just came from a very patriarchal society. This may have been an adjustment stage for Korea as women level up to the status quo of men. Men have to feel they’re still in control and powerful… and the weaker the victim may be, the more powerful they may have felt (sexual offenders).’

This may have been an adjustment stage for Korea as women level up to the status quo of men.

It’s interesting for me to note that, this kind of adverse effect happens…. WHEN WOMEN LEAD. I can attest more to it because, not only that it has been happening in my society, moreover it has taken its roots, and the results?

• increasing numbers of effeminate men
• shifting of roles: wives work, husbands do the household chores
• increasing numbers of professional old maids

And then the famous question: Where are the men?

In that day seven women

will take hold of one man

and say, “We will eat our own food

and provide our own clothes;

only let us be called by your name.

Take away our disgrace!” – Isaiah 4:1-3

History recurring… it’s happening today. The latest update was, I heard that the ratio between women to men is 8:1.

Shocking right? And the darkness and misery it all brings is there to see and feel.

As women increase in power, or as more women govern (starting at home), it’s giving out signals to men that THEY ARE NOT NEEDED…

When men feel that they are not needed, they relax and wait to be served instead, they retreat to some corners and sulk there… the world is making it a boring place for them as it does not let them do what they do best… hunting, providing and protecting… everything seems to be available and accessible for these men as women take on their roles instead… and on the other aspect, the world has made it so difficult for them to exercise their masculinity as the working place is becoming more favorable for women… and they are having difficulty pursuing the women they like because of the big walls these women put before them: I DON’T NEED YOU, I CAN SUFFICE MYSELF… and such wall is thus too hard to breach… so the masculine force takes on vacation… and when it comes back, it no longer knows its place… thus, identity crisis rises up…

MEN ARE BECOMING WOMEN, WOMEN ARE BECOMING MEN.

Men are becoming more and more passive, when women are becoming more and more aggressive. Men are retreating, when women are pursuing. Men are running away, when women are hunting.

12 Youths oppress my people,

women rule over them.

O my people, your guides lead you astray; – Isaiah 3:12

And now many women are asking themselves, where are these men who would marry us?

You cannot reap what you didn’t sow  What they sowed in their thoughts in their younger years are thus the fruits they reap in their later years. Most of them are enjoying the fruits of their labors now. They are getting what they want, they are dominating, controlling, and exploring… but then the gnawing truth in their being stifles. The essence of being a woman awakens and aches (unless ordained from above and have received special graces to not feel those natural needs being a creature called woman). Eve needs her Adam.

But oh, what has changed since the fall?

How does it feel now Eve that you have gotten what you want? How does it feel being like a god, having and doing what you want, controlling and dominating in your sphere of gain? Is one bite of an apple worth it all, the sensual tastes, the lusting of your eyes, and the desire of power? Are they worth it all? Do the serpent’s lies turn true at all?

What happens now? Don’t ask…

but where’s your Adam now?

‘One Guy Gives Honest Relationship Advice About Sex and Dating’

I have always kept this copy of an article about a guy’s confession on the damages of having sex before marriage had caused him, straight from the horse’s mouth! I want to share this article with others who are wondering about this subject, especially my sisters, to learn from the perspective of someone who has been there, done that… (click this link for this article, or read ahead: Romances with Wolves.)

One guy gives honest relationship advice about sex and dating.

By Anonymous

Email article to friend

There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others.” That’s what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I’ve learnt — the hard way — concerning girls and relationships. Specifically, I’ve jotted down ten reasons why I’m now waiting until marriage to have sex.

Dating Advice #1:
I now know that sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

When I was in university, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.” After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. That’s something you won’t see on TV or in films, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards.

The “love hangover” was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because when I was in university, sex was my “god.” As a male, it’s what I thought about morning, noon and night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling– the crowning achievement in the worship of my “god.” And yet, there was often a lack of fulfilment afterwards.

Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a “love hangover”? If you have, you should stop and consider, “Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it’s so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?”

I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: “I just need more [sex], that’s all.” (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfil us, then doesn’t. For example, we get the car we’ve always wanted, but then it’s just “okay” after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can’t really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, “Well, I guess that wasn’t the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfilment.”)

But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It’s not what films make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfiling. There wouldn’t be any “emptiness.”

Dating Advice #2:
I now want to be more honourable toward women.

I’ve found that girls often don’t fully understand what’s going on when it comes to sex. That is, their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy’s. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, “But I love him,” even if she doesn’t really want to go through with it. Why does that happen? It’s been said that, “Girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex.”

This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it. And while something inside her is telling her it’s the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman?

Something I’ve discovered is that, when you honour a woman, you are honouring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret, and the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the film Rob Roy, the main character says, “Honour is a gift a man gives himself.” When you honour a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (that is, what’s in her best interest), you honour yourself and insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with.

Dating Advice #3:
That’s somebody else’s wife.

Here’s what I mean: most of the girls I’ve been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn’t done what I’ve done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it.

And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I’m not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife. What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday.

You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone’s daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now see girls from a different perspective. They’re someone else’s future wife, someone else’s daughter, sister, etc.

Dating Advice #4:
Sex has killed my best relationships.

For example, I had a university sweetheart, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.” We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That’s what I mean by “sex killed my best relationships.” People can relate on many different levels — emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited.

I’ve seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there’s a reason for this, which I’ll explain next.

Dating Advice #5:
Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship.

For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things were this: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to).

I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.

I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this–he doesn’t respect her, she knows it, and she doesn’t trust him, so she doesn’t want to give herself to him. It’s very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. And the film and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It’s like no one wants to acknowledge that it’s happening, even though it is.

Dating Advice #6:
Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my marriage.

Why? Because we’ll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her and her having more trust in me. One thing I’ve learnt: if a girl doesn’t trust a guy, she doesn’t want to give herself wholly to him. Deep down, she doesn’t really enjoy being with him.

This is how it works. Since “girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex,” a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship. The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man. So she doesn’t need to use sex to get him anymore. And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy — who doesn’t treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage — still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It’s just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage.

I’m not making this stuff up. Now that I’m out of university and many people around me are getting married, I’m seeing it happen all the time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife and the woman a greater respect for her husband. And consequently they’ll have better and more frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each other more deeply.

Dating Advice #7:
Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage.

Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it “casual.” The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I’ll be able to bond with my future wife. It’s like a piece of scotch tape — the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won’t stick to anything.

If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won’t be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won’t cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won’t love her as much as I could have. Each day that passes that I’ve remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better.

It’s a funny thing: our culture decries adultery, yet it freely condones premarital sex, even with multiple partners. That’s ironic. Because, if you take the element of time out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery. We can imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship, maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures the potential bond between a man and a woman.

Dating Advice #8:
I don’t have to sleep with a woman to know if we’re “sexually compatible.”

Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. That’s what I’ve found out. It’s supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well. I’ve come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I don’t have to sleep with my wife to find out if we’re sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.

Something else needs to be said here. Another thing I think I’ve “discovered” is this: when you place sex as the determining factor of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it’s doomed to fail. It’s like being in prison. You’re locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating.

But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship, and the sex isn’t the focus, then you’re freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular. (Because it won’t be.) And yet, I don’t think that as a university-age adult I was capable of not focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn’t present at all. That’s why I think it’s best to wait altogether.

Dating Advice #9:
I have found something more satisfying than sex.

I know what you’re thinking: “Yeh, right.” But it’s true. And in fact, in a way sex helped me to discover the something that outdoes it. And that something is not really a something, it’s a someone. It’s God.

Just hear me out on this one, I know it sounds far-fetched, but the whole thing makes sense. God has created us in such a way that we can’t be ultimately satisfied by anything except Him. He built that into the human system, and into each one of our individual systems. As one man put it, “Inside every person is a God-shaped vacuum that only God can fill.”

That’s why we see people change careers, mates, fashions, and more — because in our search for ultimate fulfilment, we get frustrated with the things (and people) that have not achieved it for us. So we discard them and move on to something (or someone) else, hoping that in them we will find the kind of fulfilment we are all really looking for. But the problem is, we never find it unless we come to God for it, because only He can provide it.

God loves us too much to see us truly satisfied by anything other than Himself. He wants the best for us, and that means Himself. Nothing or no one is more important than God. I know that’s true because I found it out for myself. The emptiness I had — after buying this and buying that, after sexual escapades, after all my efforts to be fulfiled in life — the emptiness came to an end when I asked God into my life. More specifically, when I asked Jesus Christ into my life. Jesus Christ said, “He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty” (John 6:35). Those words came true in my life. When I entered into a relationship with God, the God-shaped vacuum inside me was finally filled. I didn’t feel empty anymore. Consequently, knowing God has given me a deeper satisfaction than sex ever did.

Dating Advice #10:
God has given me the strength to wait.

It’s been years since I’ve had sex. I wish I could say that I totally waited for marriage, but I can’t. I do have regrets (and, as I said before, they have lasted much longer than any momentary pleasures). I have regrets about the way I’ve treated girls. I have concerns about the stability of my future marriage (if and when I get married). But God has helped me to deal with my past acts and with my concerns for the future. He is in the process of changing me, and has changed me a lot already.

Also, God has given me the ability to wait for marriage to have sex again. Sure, it’s been a struggle at times, but God has been big enough to get me through it. All things are possible with Him. And each day, week, year that goes by, I know I’ll have a better and stronger marriage someday because I’ve waited. Too, I have a stronger relationship with God, today, as a result of depending on Him in this vital area of my life as a man.

Where to Start

If you want to be successful in relationships someday — as a husband and a father — the best place to start is with yourself. The trick is not in finding the right wife, or having the right children. The key is to start with you. And the most important relationship you can have — one that will make you a better husband and father — is a relationship with God.

God is the author of sex, love and relationships in general. He created these things for us to enjoy. And we can enjoy them fully if we follow His design for them. I’ve come to discover that God is not a “moralizer.” He doesn’t say, “Do this” or “Don’t do this” for no reason. When He says, “Don’t do this” (for example, wait for marriage to have sex), He’s not saying that to show me who’s boss, He’s saying it because it’s in my best interest. He’s saying it because He knows how He’s built me as a man, what is best for me, and what will bring me the most fulfilment.

Knowing God Personally

The Bible says that Jesus Christ was God who became man — “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.” He was “the exact representation of His [God’s] being.” In short, Jesus Christ revealed exactly what God is like. So how do we begin a relationship with Him?

God has a genuine love for us and wants us to know Him…but there is a problem. Currently, what stands in the way of us connecting with God is our sin (our failure to love God and others perfectly).

So Jesus Christ (“God in the flesh”) took all of our sin on His shoulders while He willingly died on a cross. He did this so we could be completely forgiven, completely acceptable to Him. He made the great sacrifice of being beaten, humiliated, whipped and crucified on our behalf. Then, after three days, He rose from the dead. He now asks us to respond to His sacrifice by inviting Him into our lives.

Jesus Christ was the most masculine man who ever lived. People don’t often give Him much credit for that, but it’s true. So, when you ask Him to come into your life, you are asking the one Person who knows more about being a man than any other man. He will help you to become a real man — not the Hollywood version — but someone far more fulfiled in life and far more valuable to the lives of others.

What does that real man look like? He doesn’t look like a wolf (someone who looks out only for himself). Instead, he looks more like a shepherd — someone who looks out for the well-being of others. As you grow in your relationship with Christ, you will discover more and more what it means to be a real man. And Christ will change the way you think about women and consequently the way you treat them.

You can begin a relationship with Christ that lasts forever. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that those who believe in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Belief means trust. When you trust or rely on Christ’s sacrifice on your behalf, you can receive eternal life — a relationship with God that begins now, that you maintain for the rest of your life. If this is now the desire of your heart, the following is a guideline for the kinds of things you might want to say to God in sincerity:

Dear God, I confess that I have sinned against You. Thank You for taking all of my sin upon Yourself on the cross. I want to receive Your forgiveness. I want to enter into a relationship with You. I ask You to come into my life as my Saviour and Lord. Please make me into the man You want me to be.

To gain helpful dating advice and to grow in your knowledge of God, read the sections Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John in the Bible.

When Bitches Cry

Strip-tease clothes hugging her body, she swags and

sways on the streets and party clubs…

And she asks: ‘Why don’t guys respect me?’

A cigarette on her left hand, a glass of liquor on the

right…

And she asks: ‘Why do guys treat me like shit?’

‘One-night stands’, ‘quickies’, and ‘fubus’ are common

in her vocabulary…

And she asks: ‘Why don”t guys treat me

seriously?’

‘I don’t need a man, I can stand on my own!’ is her

common tag line…

And she asks: ‘Where’s that guy who can fight for

me, who can provide for me, and who can protect

me?’

She knows the game too well… she knows the rule:

come and go…

She has mastered the needs and wants of men… she

knows how to get what she wants…

She knows  the brevity of her self-made fantasy…

She knows the answers to her questions so well…

But tonight, she is alone locked in her room… tears

rolling from her eyes…

She remembers those times when she revered love

and adored Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping

Beauty for her bed-time-ever-after-stories…

And then… she remembers her prince… turned

savage… like a thief who had broken into her

tower, plundered her goods and stole her most

valued possession…

She remembers, her lost youth… her forgotten

innocence…

She remembers how she was made broken, never to

be made whole again…

She remembers the pain, hate, and anguish she felt…

she remembers… when she declared vengeance!

Carefree, independent, untameable she has gone into

the passing of the night with her quests and

revelries…

But tonight the hollowness of her soul echoes in her

heart… the wails of her lost youth are heard… the

mourning of her wasted innocence resonates…

She is confronted by the truth that she has long

buried in the deepest corner of her soul… the truth in her defies the lies that she has become…

Tonight she acknowledges that she is.. a woman..

a woman who needs a man who can conquer her rebellion…

a woman who needs a man who can tame and defend her….

a woman who needs a man who can really love her, for who she really is… for all that she is…

Who can save her from her miseries? Who can heal all her wounds? Who can win back her dignity?

ONLY LOVE HAS THE ANSWER.