The Red Fruit of Temptation

What caused it? How did it start? Who started it?
Is this where we begin with our contention?
With this fruit that have been the cause of Eve’s seduction?

Sparkling red, succulent and sumptuous,
‘Oh Eve you should have a taste’ the serpent tempts
‘To be like God’ was the added promise

With one bite she traded her innocence and Adam shared her ignorance
The Judge declared the cost of their disobedience
Disorder, disaster, disgrace and death
Thousands of years we shared their debt

Was it the fruit’s attraction? Was it the serpent’s suggestion?
Or was it Eve’s ambition that brought humanity’s damnation?

Two thousand years past when Christ won our redemption
Our lives still don’t reflect our salvation
For as heirs of Eve’s delusion,
We yearn, we crave and desire, the red fruit of temptation:
The satisfying fruit of passions
The gratifying fruit of carnal desires
The rewarding fruit of power and fame
The pleasing fruit of materialistic gain

And we hear the snake hissing, ‘Go on, and have a taste’
‘The joy of having everything you want, unbounded freedom and limitless happiness
this is how it’s like to be god – your destiny is at your command’ entices the temptress
Defying what’s forbidden, ignoring what’s not right, we take many bites

And yes we get what we want, we are free, we are happy
Oh, that wonderful picture, sweet portrait of illusions
We did get what we want, in exchange of what we need
We think we are free, but are slaves of our fantasies
We get a taste of happiness, at the cost of our emptiness
And yes we are thus gods, of unknown worlds in us
Sad, empty, and solitary, the cry of our scarred and lonely hearts

And then we win that damned ancient consequence
Made exiles of our own selves
In this world of disorder, disaster, filth and death
Living an external reflection of our own depths

Thousands of years of our exile
We still get tricked by that ancient lie
Oh how we suffer the pains of illusion
But why do we still like to pay the fatal cost of deception?

A Playboy’s Sigh

A date for two, the table is set and the light is on
He stared at her and she smiled at him… the game is on
She talks and talks and reveals her scores
His tongue is swift and he shoots them all

She flicks her hair and bites her lips
She’s his three women combined, oh he knows the tricks
He does his moves and she welcomes that kiss
He’s done it again – strikes where he never missed

Seven years now of his renowned fame
He’s been with the same girl with a thousand names
Time and again, with them he’s all the same
Accustomed to this cycle of losing gain

His peers think that he’s the luckiest guy
He beds any girl he likes yet he’s lonely and he wonders why
He wears a grin when he just wants to cry
He gets down and get some more, but his pain surges all the more

All those women he wooed and won
Pleased him all day round
But at night his ego bleeds
For he still cannot forgive
That girl he felt betrayed

He once thought that love is the most wonderful thing
But that girl taught him that it is just another game
Since then he started playing, that same painful trick that hurt him
But every time he wins he’s just making, another victim just like him

He wonders how to get out from this same old plot
As he got stuck in his painful lot
For every time he plays this fake and passing love
He gives away a piece of his broken heart

Now the man in the mirror speaks
Unmasking the winner’s utmost defeat
For what sort of honor does he get
With all those hearts he hurt and tricked?

And every time he ends the game,
He retreats to himself hiding,
Playing it safe knowing, that in true love’s lane,
He doesn’t really know how to play the real thing…

Raging Emotions

I heard the familiar traces of musical vibrations

            that once rummaged my heart…

 

The tempest of my soul wants to unveil secrets

            things hidden in my past…

 

Longing for the same person that I buried in my memories

            forced to being forgotten…

 

Oh Saviour! Reach for my hand, and pull me out

from this raging sea of emotions!

           

 

 

 

Knowing Your One True Love

One thing that I’m so grateful recently in my life is that, I have found, my one true love. Well, I’m not really talking about a person. I’m talking about that certain thing I wanna do in my life, which makes me ascertain now that, I’d commit my whole life with.

I find it interesting as I reflect on this certain process in finding it, being translated and likened to the process a guy would be involved, in finding his lifetime partner. So here I am, musing on this wonderful design that has been unfolded in my eager mind.

Let’s get started.

THE EXPLOITATION STAGE

When you’re just fresh out of college, you’re so full of ambitions, and you just got this in you that you’ve got what it takes to succeed. The highest ideal that society would tell you is to become wealthy with what you do. Although you have this certain hint of what you really want to do, you’d exchange it with the hype of the moment. Everyone’s looking for that job that could give them the cash they need to buy their materialistic fantasies. Of course, the greatest necessity at this stage is money! Just imagining your fantasies with what money can do in your life gives you butterflies in the stomach. And you’d get your head stuffed with thoughts: ‘When I have the money I need, I buy this and that… I’d do this and that…’ It’s all about money and success.

And then you’d start searching for companies that would fit your standards. Of course you would hunt for those that can give you the highest pay possible. If you’re someone with high qualifications, stable and good-paying companies would come under the mercy of your preference. You’d get to enjoy the great opportunity of choosing. But if you’re someone in the average, you’d stick with whatever company that would accept your qualifications, as long as your need of money is satisfied. That would be fine.

When you’ve chosen the company to apply, you’d do everything to impress them. You’d sing songs of commitment you don’t intentionally want to keep. You’d over emphasize your strengths and try hard to hide your weaknesses. Just, the main aim is for them to accept you.

When they finally accept you, at first, you’d give them your best shot. You try hard not mess with them. You’d keep your commitment and do all that they need of you. You even try to perform well.

But then, as time goes by… you’d get edgy with how they handle you. At this stage, you grumble a lot. You watch every mistake they make. You cannot take it when you feel like they have profited more over your efforts than what you are getting from them. You count every effort you make against what they have given you in return. But then, you still stay a little while… since they’re still feeding you with what you need. For you, cheating is unforgivable. Once you find out they cheat on you, you’d call it quits when you can’t take it any longer. But you don’t mind if you cheat them. When you’re the one doing something to their detriment, it would not be a big deal. You may even think you are entitled to it. You are unmindful of doing things that may cause their damage. You don’t really care that much. All you care about is getting as much as they can give… Then you’d start imagining for other companies than can give you your perceived comfort and that may give you what your current company is not giving you. Since you are no longer satisfied, when another opportunity beckons at you… you’d not hesitate to end your contract with that company and leave. You’d do the same cycle again and again. And though there may be companies that you’d truly like, even if you’d stay longer with it, you’d still reach the same stage of resignation. There is just something that you are looking for and you haven’t found it yet… and then, you’re on your search again.

Translation:

When a guy is young and is on the hype of experiencing his manhood. His main need (forgive me for being frank and blunt on this) is sex. Although he has this certain hint in his mind about this ideal girl whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with, it gets in the back burner of his mind as he focuses on the hype of his raging hormones. He collects girls who can give him, his need of sex. If he is physically desirable, he may charm all the girls he likes. He has the advantage of choosing from pretty and classy girls. He’d court any prospect who could give him the experience he so fantasizes… if he isn’t so gifted physically and isn’t so well with his charms, any girl would do, as long they can give him what he needs. Just, what matters most is sex. His mind may most of the time be filled with fantasies of sex.

If he has chosen this certain girl, he’d do everything to impress her. He’d show her his best. And he’d try so hard not to let her see his weaknesses. He’d say all the things he doesn’t necessarily mean, just to get her trust and to make her say yes. He’d give her, his best shot. He would even try to make her feel he is so committed in a relationship. He’d say anything and everything to get what he wants.

During the first stages of their relationship, it would all seem so fine. He’d do all the things that are expected of him as a boyfriend: calls, gifts, visits, attention, surprises, etc.

But then, as time goes by, he would lag on the things he used to do. He’d call less, He visits less, his attention is somewhere else, etc. Problems would arise, and the girlfriend would demand things on their relationship. At this stage, it becomes a burden to him to even do a single act in the name of being a boyfriend. But he has to, because, he needs to get some sex. But he’d become so edgy, he’d notice all the girl’s faults. At this point, his mind would wander on fantasizing on other girls who can give him more than what his girlfriend is giving him or on girls who have what his girlfriend doesn’t have. A small thing leads to a big fight. He would start to grumble a lot. He demands all the things the girl is expected to give him, but he would get away with all his mess if he can. He cannot tolerate the thought that he is doing more in the relationship. As much as possible, he wants to spend lesser effort. But he doesn’t mind doing things that may disappoint or hurt the girl. Cheating is unforgivable to him, but its fine if he cheats.He may even think he is entitled to it. When he thinks that the relationship is already too much for him to bear and a new girl may come and give him a better offer, he will not hesitate to leave his girlfriend. This cycle repeats many times. Still, he is not satisfied.

There maybe girls that he would actually like and he may stay longer with them. But then, he would still reach this stage of breaking up. He’s just looking for something that he hasn’t found in those girls yet. And he’s on his hunt again.

WARNING: Girls, if you are with someone who is still immature, who doesn’t have a clear vision of what’s his life gonna turn out, and most especially… if that person doesn’t even have a clue of himself… consider yourself in a greatest potential of being used just to fill his needs. He may or may have not realized it, but you would end up just the same… being used. Best advice: stay out of this relationship.

THE STAGE OF BOREDOM

This is the stage when you have too much of your experiences of all the jobs and employers you’ve left. You have gotten tired of the cycle and you want to break away from it. You’re in the stage when you’re through with the excitement of what money can buy you. You’ve bought most of the things you’ve dreamed of… or maybe you’ve reached the point of realizing that some of the things you used to think of buying are no longer that important to buy. Then, you start searching for something deeper. This is point when you want some change. You want something totally new. And you’d look back all those times you’ve wasted with those jobs you never intended to keep, or the jobs you just lost along the way… then suddenly, it hits you… am I really just gonna waste my life over this pitiful cycle? Damn no! And then, you’d ask the hardest question: WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?

Translation:

This is the stage when the guy just had too much of all his fun and experiences with girls. This is the stage when he has gotten tired of the same old cycle of hunting and breaking up with girls. He had the fill of his sexual fantasies. And then he’d start seeking for something more valuable. This is the point when he wants to change… when he would want someone totally new… different from the girls he had left or had lost along the way.Then he’d ask the hardest question: WHO DO I REALLY WANT?

THE STAGE OF KNOWING

I’d take it from here, since I will be speaking of my personal experience in this stage of knowing.

Long before I had graduated, I had that concept of the kind of commitment I’d like to offer my skills and talents for. But then, I was caught in the common hype of thinking first of money, so that you can finally be free of doing what you really want. Even if I wasn’t the type who would pursue money for its sake, I was engrossed in amassing wealth to support my dreams. One thing leads to another. So I’ve patterned my life in asking the question: What would gain me more money?

What I was actually doing was: I abandoned my dreams a little while, as I went ahead pursuing money. ‘Wait there, I’d come back for you when I’m ready to pursue and claim you.’ I said. But then, I was caught in the same cycle of striving hard and giving up. Because I did not love the jobs I had, I had little patience for all the things thrown at me because of them. They had been a great burden to me. And all I focused on was: what I was getting. Yes, I could be committed for a while. But then, not long enough boredom catches on me, and my strength wears out on pursuing and on being dedicated to those jobs.

It occurred to me that the kind of relationship I had with my earlier jobs was: consented utilitarianism. I was using them, they were using me. I thought I was getting much from them. But wrong, they were the ones getting most out of me. They have stolen my time and dedication that are supposedly for what I love to do alone. They worn out my strength and detracted me from my focus and attention on my beloved soul-deep dreams. They almost dried me up. And because they had gotten so much of me, it brought me great confusion. I used to know what I really want to do with my life, but because, those jobs gotten pieces of me, I could hardly define myself anymore. And because I am confused of who I am becoming, it made me confused of what I really want. Even if I tried to change my focus from money, to noble things and better things… still, I landed on the land of confusion and dissatisfaction.

Then I pondered on the truth: YOU WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE. If one doesn’t know who he/she is, he/she may base his/her wanting on the plane of feelings or emotions, rather on his/her desired conscious carefully and willfully thought choices. And worst, he/she may borrow what others want, and own it like his/her own. This is true, because it happened to me, and I’m sure to lot others. At first, I may think I was fine. I could feel that I’m happy with what I was getting from them, but that happiness doesn’t seem to last. It fades soon enough. And I find myself wanting some more: ‘Maybe I just needed, more than this, better than this!’… I THOUGHT. I was lost into groping and reaching outside of myself, by clinging on those temporary things. But I realized that I was just like: CHASING THE WIND. I felt so empty.

But when I found God, or should I say, when God found me… He taught me great things! He taught me so much about myself. Since He is my maker, He knows what I am made of, and He knows what I am made for. Funny, I remember how I used to rummage self-help books in trying to know myself more. But the sad reality was, they were written by my fellow creatures, who only have limited thoughts on knowing what I’m made of, or worst, they may even have a hard time in really knowing who they are. Can you picture a clay-pot asking a fellow clay-pot what it is and what purpose it serves? The potter knows best – it’s like this.

When I started communicating with my Maker, He told me truth in so many things. And most especially, He taught me that, the answers to my questions are not really found outside… but just inside of me. For the more I chased on external things to find meaning, the more I veered away from my true self… so as I start on knowing who I really I am… I started on exploring the depths of my soul. I’m coming back to my self. But this is not possible without the Light of my Maker. Without His truth on what I am finding, it would come out nothing. As I’ve come to Him and commune with Him, little by little, I am enlightened of my uniqueness, and of that special purpose that He made me for, as the potter knows the special purposes his clays serve.

As my Almighty Creator showed me my design, He reminded me of my earlier dreams, and He led me to realize my soul-deep dream and spirit-filled ambition. And the greatest hint to this, is that of a life of self-giving. The point of the matter is: it’s not about what I’m getting, but what I can give best. Having revealed His self to me as being the very essence of Love Himself, I understood His message in my being. And that, He created me for the very purpose His very essence would create: TO BE AN INSTRUMENT OF LOVE – AN EXPRESSION OF HIS LOVE TO OTHERS. And as I look around His creation, this message is evident. The exuberant fishes ‘give’ themselves up for food, so that other living creatures could eat and be nourished. The little flowers constantly offer themselves to ‘give’ off scent, and inspiration to other living creatures, and a source of sweet nectar for bees. The mighty trees stand on ground firmly to ‘give’ us oxygen to breathe. And a lot of things in His creation consistently testify this evidence of ‘giving’ that’s left for us to discover. In each creature’s purpose is a testimony of something they could give to life’s existence. This constant message of ‘giving’, ‘charity’… traces and hints of Love flowing in creation, is the very message that we have shut our eyes from, and have taken for granted, as we are consumed with our hunt for gain.

But as the fishes, flowers, and trees, and other creatures are created for a noble purpose of giving… so are we. Each person is created for a divine purpose. Each person has something to share or to give, for the well-being of humanity. And we are called to give in proportion to what God has created us for.

Having discovered my uniqueness, I have realized my calling and great purpose in serving humanity. Upon realizing this, I have discovered, my one true love.

Oh, and knowing my one true love? It thrills me to the bone in looking forward to the great adventures that lie ahead as I start pursuing it. This is the cause that I would not mind giving so much of myself, even if I am not compensated, even if I don’t get anything the least… For it, I don’t mind going beyond normal working hours. I don’t mind giving too much of my effort. I don’t mind if it demands so much of me. I’d even try to surpass what I could give. For it, I’d only be concern if I had given enough… because I love it so much, I don’t mind the great deal of self-sacrifice I would have to make, just for it to be fulfilled. This is the great cry of my heart for my one true love. And there is nothing that can discourage me in pursuing it, because I have already realized its nature, and I have already decided to commit myself to it. In doing it, I’m being myself. And in just being myself, God blesses others.

Translation

(Going back with my analogy with guys hunting for their beloved mates)

As I reached this stage of analysis, and as I look back to those companies I have intentionally, or unintentionally used along the process of knowing what I really want, I have come to picture the same scenario with a guy who has intentionally or unintentionally used girls along the process of knowing who he really wants.

When a guy is in the stage of not knowing who he really is, he would have a vague picture of the woman whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with… for how can he know who he really wants if he doesn’t even know who he really is? In the same analogy, how can you know your missing piece, if you don’t even know what kind of piece are you?

And many guys are like this nowadays. They jump from one girl to another. And those who are really passionate can make you believe that they are so in love with you, only to find out that they have said the very words they told you to a lot of other women. And the sad thing is these guys don’t even mind, or are unaware of the great pain they’ve caused to other women. Their barometer is their feelings and their satisfaction. They focus on what their mates can give them, and not much on what they can give their mates.

But once a guy finds his one-true-love, he would offer his whole self just to have her. He wouldn’t mind sacrificing so much of himself for her. He wouldn’t mind giving so much, even if that girl isn’t giving as much. It would even be his pleasure if the girl depends on him.He’d sacrifice a great deal. And it would not be an issue, for he would want to satisfy the woman of his dreams. She is his one true love. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her.He would even offer his own life. It’s like Adam finally finding his Eve. This is the cry of his heart for his one true love.

I remember this beautiful passage in the bible that illustrates points that I would like to make further:

“He formed a woman out of his rib and brought her to him. Then the man said,
“At last, here is one of my own kind – bone of my bone, and flesh from my flesh.”

– (Genesis 2:22-23 with emphasis my own)

Adam recognizes Eve, as his own kind – the bone of his bone, and the flesh of his flesh, because he knows what he is made of, with his knowledge of the One who made him. The Creator has fully revealed Adam’s purpose in His creation. That’s why Adam has a great knowledge of himself. I’d like to stress that the knowledge given to Adam in his relation to God’s creation is made possible because of his relationship towards God. No other living creature in the Garden of Eden had this opportunity of self-knowledge as the first man… because no other living creature was given that great grace of being so close to God as being made in the image and likeness of the Creator Himself. Good thing that at that point of our history, identity crisis did not exist yet! Adam may have had worried God in thinking that a she-monkey is his own kind! What a disaster it would have been! Hahaha! 

In the same context, a man who doesn’t have that much relationship with his Maker would fail to realize the full extent of the purpose of his life as God intended it to be. And in failing to realize it, would affect him failing to realize or identify the kind of companion fitted to him as ‘his own kind’.

And sad to note that, many Adams nowadays lost contact with his Maker. That’s why a lot of them are thrust into insurmountable waves of confusion and of identity crisis. Many Adams failed to recognize their Eves and are joined to the wrong ones… and I would understand if they are living miserable lives… for it is not such a pleasant experience to be forced into something that does not fit you… like circles being fit into square holes.

CONCLUSION

Having found my One True Love leads me to realize, that finding our One True Love needs a great deal of knowing, our one true self. And in knowing our one true self calls a great need to know, our One True Maker.

The Kind of Fear that Spoils Love

I’ve been running here and there in life… conquering, mastering, failing, pursuing, retreating… I’ve had relationships… I have my family, friends, comrades… and I had once a lover… it was only lately that I noticed that there is something wrong with how I handled my relationships in the past and now… I’ve always considered myself, free and boundless… I can go whenever… fly wherever… I have prided myself as someone who can easily be transported in a different destination in life without even looking back to where I came from or to whom I was with… I don’t have problems with attachments. I thought I’m so good with detaching myself from all things and persons. Well there is nothing wrong with this, in fact this could be a real good advantage, but… when I examined it very closely… I discovered that I have done so, to hide a certain weakness…

I realized that beneath such strong façade, is that big fear that contaminates my whole being… that fear that hinders me from becoming a truly loving person. And as I look back at the traces of my life, this fear is evident… I have a big fear of commitment.

I discovered that I have always been running away from intimacy, or if not, I have always protected myself by not getting in too much involved or too deeply attached to the persons I have claimed to love… especially to the persons that I might possibly love. And this can also be seen in the way I deal with my work or with the groups which I am involved with. I always have this big shield in front me…

I have built a thick wall around my heart to keep intruders from coming in to prick it. When did I start building this wall? It was since the first time my heart was broken… and my parents were the very first ones who broke it.

You know when you are young… you are so vulnerable and you are always yearning for your parents’ love? You’re always waiting on them to give you that kind of love… It’s their attention that matters… it’s their approval that counts… I had it all once… but then, my little sis came along very shortly, a year and half after I was born… and guess what? My parents just transferred all their attention and love to my little sibling, and left me questioning ‘hey what happened’? They didn’t even tell me what’s going on, they just left me to my own understanding of the situation… so I thought, they did so because she was more than I… she was more adorable and lovable. It made me greatly insecure and deeply hurt… I was trying to win their attention back, but all I got was rejection upon rejection, since they preferred to shower more attention on her than on me.  Then I started coping with the situation… it’s part of being human to adjust to a threatening situation in order to survive…

So as I grew up, I tend to find an area where I was accepted and recognized… where I was noticed and loved… the school was that perfect avenue. I excelled at school; I succeeded in building a name. I was used to people knowing me – recognizing my presence.  That’s how I cope with that painful situation at home. That’s how I first escaped and runaway from the kind of love that hurt me. And so there I was… getting away from fixing my brokenness… I abandoned the notion of winning my parents’ attention and love… ‘coz I no longer need it… My need of love had been fulfilled in a different way… and so I thought I had solved that problem… but now I realized that I never have… I just kept on running away from it…. but running away doesn’t solve anything… I’m actually just ignoring the problem, but it is still there… and it continually haunts me… and it manifests itself in different ways… but then… truth hits me… I was made to face the blunt reality of my fears that rots real love to develop in my life…

With my previous relationship, I had always this fear that someone may just come along and surpass my worth in that guy’s heart… so when I sensed that he was not paying attention to me as much as he used to, I got so paranoid that he has already found someone new… so in my way of coping… before it even happened, I accused him of such… and I ready myself on the thought that one day he would just leave me and ignore me just like what my parents did… I have programmed my mind that everyone would just leave me….. that it is impossible for someone to really love me… to love me for me, just me… so subconsciously I have devised my own rotten plot by unconsciously rearranging my circumstance to repeat my painful history… it’s like I am inwardly avoiding it to happen… but I have subconsciously accepted it as something that is bound to happen to me… and that if it doesn’t, then I regard it with such high suspicion… my painful past has stolen my concept on the reality of love… I have not noticed for such a long time that I was blinded, and accepted that the reality of love is supposed to make me feel abandoned and neglected… and this kind of fear has brought me to love with all the wrong reasons and to get hurt by my own doing…

Now I recognize and realize this. I thank God who gave me such bliss to perceive this sting in my heart, so that I may finally face my fear and be healed from my brokenness.

As I now review the traces of my life… this cycle is repeated in many ways… in different forms… but the same escapade and the same wrong notion of coping. Now I understand my vocational director when he pointed out that, the vocation that I’m looking at to commit myself into might be just one of my escapades. He has seen this pattern in my life… and I was all blind to it until now. I now understand what he was trying to tell me.

At this point of my life, I am considering to make a solemn vow – to make a lifetime commitment… I was once pretty sure of entering such commitment… until I was made to stop and look at this area of my life… since I will be committing myself for a lifetime to a certain vocation… I need to take time to really consider my option… and I have to make sure that I would not be choosing it just because I’m trying to escape from an area of hurt in my life…  ‘Coz when you say – a lifetime commitment, it means there’s no more backing out… you are bound to it for the rest of your life… I need to face this fear and conquer it, ‘coz until then, I wouldn’t be ready for any serious commitment…

And if I force it, it does not only bring ruin to me, but to others as well who would be involved with the commitment I would make. When I make a choice finally, I want it made out of love… pure love… and with that I mean, without any traces of fear. When I should decide, I should decide because it’s what I really want… it’s what I really love… and not because it only comforts me and hides me from my fears…

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4:18

To Love is to do God’s Will

‘Yes, love; love is above all: to love is to do My will; it is your entry key to My kingdom in Heaven;’

‘If you claim you are living in me and have no Love, then you cannot say you are living in me: a true life in me, is to be living the same kind of life as Christ lived; you have heard that it is not those who cry out to me My name that shall enter into My Kingdom, but only those who, nourished by Love, are doing My will, while they are still on earth;’

‘Tell Me, of what use is a fruit-tree which would never produce its fruit? Or, of what use is a harp without its strings? In other words, of what use are to me your praises when said without love; your goal then should be love, for it is on love that in the end you will be judged and not on your eloquence of speech or on your knowledge, or on any of your sacrifices, or on the gifts that I, in my benevolence offered you, you will be judged on the measure of your love. These charisms  I offered you, were so that build the church; let your foundation and the structure of your works and of your charisms be built on Love so that you will not slacken in doing good. Yes, for the good man wins my honour…

‘Renounce your will and find favour with Me by recognizing what is My will…’

-The Father

(Excerpt from the book ‘True Life in God’ – words from God, recorded by Vassula Ryden)

The King of Love

It’s past 4:30 am… where is everybody now?
Judas just gave Him the serpent’s kiss… sold.
His hands are tied… helpless…
Walks the steps toward His torture…
Silence. Meekness. Strength.

But His heart is breaking…
Can anybody hear Him?
‘Where are you my friends?’
Nowhere to be found…
He’s in His parade of death… alone.
Betrayed. Abandoned. Denied.

Satan roars: Will You still love?!
His only consolation is to look up above.
‘Your will be done, Father…’
Lashed. Scorned. Shamed.
BUT HE’S NOT GIVING UP!

Crowed with mockery
Rejected by His own
He has seen the worst of humanity
‘No more reason to save this doomed race!’
‘Give up! Give up, King of Love!’ rallies the fiend.

Blood drips from His body
His shoulders sags with the cross that weighs
He is inching His way towards Calvary

He falls.
‘Give up!’
‘I love them’

He falls the second time.
‘Give up!’
‘I still love them’

He falls for the third time.
‘Give up!’
‘I will always love them’
Tortured. Nailed. Hanged.

He looks up to heaven.
‘Father, forgive them…
For they know not what they are doing…’
Hopelessness. Darkness. Death.

‘Game over!!! I won!’ rejoices the king of the Dark.

Light. Power. Majesty!
A thunderous voice is heard…
‘Wrong! Victory is Mine!’

‘You died! You already died!’ - Protests from the other side.

‘Love conquers all… Love, never dies...’
Release my beloved! I have purchased them by My sacrifice!

HAIL TO THE KING OF KINGS! TO THE LORD OF LORDS! 
ALL HAIL TO THE KING OF LOVE! FOR HIS LOVE IS FAITHFUL AND EVERLASTING! 
OH! ALL YOU HEAVENS! ALL CREATION! PRAISE HIM!!!

The Will to Love

When you run out of reasons…When the feeling is gone…When hope is bleak…When strength fails to sustain you…When your dreams with your beloved are shattered…When your fantasies turned out to be, just  a stark reality…

Yet, you stand firm and still choose to Love… then that’s the greatest proof of true love…

I found out that the greatest test of faithfulness of Love, is when your love for that person is stripped of all that supports it: the feelings, all that things that person is giving you, to make you feel loved, your fantasies, hopes, and dreams…
Yet, you still WILL to love, then that is what it means of truly loving…

Afterall, what certifies your proclamation of: I love you, is your WILL to love… no matter what…

And that will of loving, sets you beyond and above yourself, as you choose to set your beloved free, keeping your anguish to yourself, in sacrificing for the best of your one true love… even if it means you wouldn’t be together someday…

Pope John Paul II on Sensuality, Responsibility, Chastity and True Love

“ Everyone…lives, above all, for love.”

“Man’s capacity for love depends on his willingness consciously to seek a good together with others, and to subordinate himself to that good for the sake of others, or to others for the sake of that good.”

“Love in human relationships is not something ready-made. It begins as a principle or idea which people must somehow live up to in their behavior.”

“The sexual relationship presents more opportunities than most other activities for treating a person — sometimes even without realizing it — as an object of use.”

“I am convinced that the (objective) starting point of love is the realization that I am needed by another. The person who objectively needs me most is also, for me, objectively, the person I most need. This is a fragment of life’s deep logic, and also a fragment of trusting in the Creator and in Providence.”

“People’s values are different and they come in different configurations. The great achievement is always to see values that others don’t see and to affirm them. The even greater achievement is to bring out of people the values that would perish without us. In the same way, we bring our values out in ourselves.”

“The strength of such a love emerges most clearly when the beloved person stumbles, when his or her weaknesses or even sins come into the open. One who truly loves does not then withdraw his love, but loves all the more, loves in full consciousness of the other’s shortcomings and faults, and without in the least approving of them.”

“The greater the feeling of responsibility for the person the more true love there is.”

“The love for a person which results from a valid act of choice is concentrated on the value of the person as such and makes us feel emotional love for the person as he or she really is, not for the person of our imagination, but for the real person.”

“From the desire for the ‘unlimited’ good of another ‘I’ springs the whole creative drive of true love — the drive to endow beloved persons with the good, to make them happy. To desire ‘unlimited’ good for another person is really to desire God for that person.”

“The great moral force of true love lies precisely in this desire for the happiness, for the true good, of another person. This is what makes it possible for a man to be reborn because of love, makes him aware of the riches within him, his spiritual fertility and creativity: I am capable of desiring the good for another person, therefore I am in general capable of desiring the good. True love compels me to believe in my own spiritual powers.”

“Love is never something ready made, something merely ‘given’ to man and woman, it is always at the same time a ‘task’ which they are set. Love should be seen as something which in a sense never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’, and what it becomes depends upon the contribution of both persons and the depth of their commitment.”

“What develops from ‘promising’ raw material in the form of emotions and desires is often not true love, and often indeed sharply opposed to it, whereas a truly great love sometimes develops from modest material. But such a great love can only be the work of persons and — let us add here to complete the picture — the work of Divine Grace.”

“There is no need to be dismayed if love sometimes follows tortuous ways. Grace has the power to make straight the paths of human love.”

“The longing for true happiness for another person, a sincere devotion to that person’s good, puts the priceless imprint of altruism on love. But none of this will happen if the love between a man and a woman is dominated by an ambition to possess, or more specifically by concupiscence born of sensual reactions.”

“It is impossible to judge the value of a relationship between persons merely from the intensity of their emotions. The very exuberance of the emotions born of sensuality may conceal an absence of true love, or indeed outright egoism.”

“Carnal concupiscence impels, very powerfully impels, people towards physical intimacy, towards sexual intercourse, but if this grows out of nothing more than concupiscence it does not unite a man and a woman as persons.”

“There is [when carnal concupiscence is left to itself] a serious possibility not only that love will be deformed, but also that its natural raw material will be squandered, for sensuality furnishes love with ‘material’, but material which can only be shaped by the appropriate creative activity on the part of the will. Without this there can be no love, there is only the raw material which is used up by carnal concupiscence as it seeks an ‘outlet’.”

“Love is a constant challenge, thrown to us by God.— The character Christopher, in “The Jeweler’s Shop”

“Complete security against carnal concupiscence is something we find only in the profound realism of virtue, and specifically the virtue of chastity.”

“The fundamental ethical characteristic of love: it is an affirmation of the person or else it is not love at all… Neither in the man nor in the woman can affirmation of the value of the person be divorced from awareness and willing acceptance that he may become a father and she may become a mother.”

“Love between persons…must possess a clear-cut objective purpose… Man’s capacity for love depends on his willingness consciously to seek a good together with others… From the desire for the ‘unlimited’ good of another ‘I’ springs the whole creative drive of true love.”

“Sin is a violation of the true good. For the true good in the love of man and woman is first of all the person and not emotion for its own sake, still less pleasure as such. These are secondary goods, and love — which is a durable union of persons — cannot be built of them alone.”

“Any attempt to diminish human beings by…denying the central social importance of maternity and paternity is incompatible with the natural development of man.”

“Man must reconcile himself to his natural greatness….he must not forget that he is a person”

“Only the chaste man and the chaste woman are capable of true love. For chastity frees their association, including their marital intercourse, from that tendency to use a person.”

“Every human being is by nature burdened with concupiscence and apt to find the ‘savor’ of love above all in the satisfaction of carnal desire. For this reason, chastity is a difficult, long-term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit, for the happiness of loving kindness which it must bring. But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness.”

“True love is a love in which sexual values are subordinated to the value of the person.”

“People like to think that Wujek [Fr. Wojtyla] would like to see everyone married. But I think this is a false picture. The most important problem is really something else. Everyone…lives, above all, for love. The ability to love authentically, not great intellectual capacity, constitutes the deepest part of a personality. It is no accident that the greatest commandment is to love. Authentic love leads us outside ourselves to affirming others: devoting oneself to the cause of man, to people, and, above all, to God. Marriage makes sense…if it gives one the opportunity for such love, if it evokes the ability and necessity of such loving, if it draws one out of the shell of individualism (various kinds) and egocentrism. It is not enough simply to want to accept such love. One must know how to give it, and it’s often not ready to be received. Many times it’s necessary to help it to be formed….” – (in his letter to a woman named Teresa)

“A love which is not “fairest,” but reduced only to the satisfaction of concupiscence or to a man’s and a woman’s mutual “use” of each other, makes persons slaves to their weaknesses.” — (in his 1994 Letter to Families)

“The view, so very often expressed or implied, that ‘the emotion (love) itself gives men and women the right to physical intimacy and to sexual intercourse’ — This is a mistaken view, for love as an emotional experience even if it is reciprocated, is very far from being the same as love completed by commitment of the will.”

“For love denies freedom of will to him who loves — love liberates him from the freedom
that would be terrible to have for its own sake. So when I become a father, I am conquered by love. And when you become a child, you too are conquered by love. At the same time I am liberated from freedom through love, and so are you; at last I am liberated from loneliness, which I do not want to exchange for love… “ – (a line of a character in one of his written theatre plays)

“Genuine human love, love ‘for’ a person, and love ‘between’ persons, must combine two elements: tenderness and certain firmness.”

“Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.”

“The inner and essential raison d’etre of marriage is not simply eventual transformation into a family but above all the creation of a lasting personal union between a man and a woman based on love.”

“A man and a woman whose love has not begun to mature, has not established itself as a genuine union of persons, should not marry, for they are not ready to undergo the test to which married life will subject them. If their love is already more or less ripe procreation will ripen it still further.”

“A ‘marital’ sexual relationship outside the framework of marriage is always objectively a wrong done to the woman. Always — even when the woman consents to it, and indeed even when she herself actively desires and seeks it.”

“This total and exclusive gift of self to God is the result of a spiritual process which occurs within a person under the influence of Grace. This is the essence of mystical virginity — conjugal love pledged to God Himself. “

“Marriage, and still more spiritual virginity combined with betrothed love, must in the general belief be the result of ‘first love’, that is to say of one’s first choice.”

“Spiritual virginity, in the perspective of eternal life, is another attempt to solve the problem. The movement towards a final union through love with a personal God is here more explicit than in marriage, and in a sense spiritual virginity anticipates that final union in conditions of the physical and temporal life of the human person. In this lies the great value of virginity.”

“The Problem of Vocation The word ‘vocation’ indicates that there is a proper course for every person’s development to follow, a specific way in which he commits his whole life to the service of certain values. Every individual must plot this course correctly by understanding on the one hand what he has in him and what he can offer to others, and on the other hand what is expected of him.”

“A person who has a vocation must not only love someone but be prepared to give himself or herself for love. We have said already in our analysis of love that this self-giving may have a very creative effect on the person: the person fulfills itself most effectively when it gives itself most fully.”

“There is…a real need for sexual education… The main objective of this education is to create the conviction that ‘the other person is more important than I’”

I Don’t Want to Forgive, this Time.

I am plagued by disheartening thoughts of my beloved’s faults… I have counted one by one all his faults and am overwhelmed by his indebtedness towards me… and here he is striking against my battered heart once more by not keeping what he promised me for the nth time. That promise he made meant so much to me! He knew how valuable it was, but according to his ‘excused circumstance’; he couldn’t keep what he promised… again. Then all his broken promises in the past came to mind… I remember all the moments he ignored me, the moments he had neglected and taken me for granted… his lies and his unfaithfulness… this is just way too much for me to take! I say enough to all these! I’ll sure not forgive him this time! He owed me a lot and I will not grant him remission until he paid all of them! What am I, a fool? Am I that stupid whom who thinks can forgive him every time he sins? Does he rely on the thought that I could just simply forgive him? No way! This time I’m saying enough is enough! He has to mind how much he owes me! How dare he?! He doesn’t deserve my love at all!

After I’d finished with my ranting, in silence, my conscience spoke to me. The Lord asked me in my heart: “How about you Ofelia? How many times have you failed me? How many times have you let me down with your promises that you never keep? How many times have you been unfaithful to me, running after commitments over your commitment to serve Me? How many times have you lied to Me? How many times have you ignored and abandoned Me?

I lost count of those times Lord…

And finally, the Lord asked me… “And how many times have I forgiven you? Have I stopped loving you, or condemned you unworthy of my love?”

I felt a choke in my throat… for I know the answer so well…

Then I remember this parable:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.  Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’  The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.  Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”  (Matthew 18:21-35)

In my momentary thoughts, I could well see myself as that unmerciful servant. I am reminded now of how great is God’s mercy upon my soul by forgiving me of my enormous faults and misgivings… contemplating on His great compassion then, I lost the nerve to count the little debt my beloved has incurred against me, compared to what I incurred against my Master.

It is very helpful if one constantly sees God’s light and one’s self against that light, to be constantly made aware of his/her own misery, that he/she wouldn’t have time to judge others of the same state… for this would humble us and would make us grateful to what God has given us… and that in this gratitude, we may find the willingness to give, what we have freely received.

Such is the great demand of our commitment to the yes we’ve responded to God’s call of loving others.

And as St. Paul exhorted,

‘Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever love others has fulfilled the law.’ –Romans 13:8

We are called now to be mindful of our debts to God no more and not to count the debts others have toward us, but to be in constant indebtedness to love our brethren as much as Our Divine Master loves us. And this means too that we are to love others… even if they don’t love us as much, or even if they don’t love us at all…  So that, in God’s judgement… we would find ourselves acquitted to the debts of Love.